Plan B

So, it's been a little over a week since I started my exercise program. It must have been a breeze, you may think, after reading my pre-exercise pep talk last week...NOT! It's been hard, even for just one week. I guess the saying is true; you need to take it one day at a time.

The first three days were good; I did my walk-jog, reaching my "finish line" quicker each time. On the fourth day, I could not do my walk-jog because my legs were really sore. I had totally forgotten that it is EXTREMELY important to warm up, and even more important to cool down after a walk-jog. I did not fare much better on Day 5. I was dealing with a draining emotional issue. To top it all, I ate a lunch of french fries and fried chicken, and while watching a movie a little later, I downed a big bag of popcorn that I had purchased at the movie rental store. When I went for my walk-run about 2-3 hours later, I did not have the stamina I needed to accomplish the goal that I had set for my first week of alternating walking for 2 minutes with jogging for 2 minutes during my walk-jogs. My stamina is the pits so I can't jog for an extended time without my heart yelling at me to stop. Anyways, post my junk food-emotional turmoil bonanza, I could not even keep up with my measly 2 min walk-2 min jog pace. I chalked it up to my emotional tiredness, but more so, my junk food habit that afternoon.

Fast forward to today; Day 8- I did not exercise today. I had been hoping to do an upper-body pilates workout at home to tone my arms(my legs are getting stronger and more defined, but running does not do much for my arms, so they are crying out for some attention), but I ended up taking an early evening nap, and not wanting to exercise. "Why?", you may ask. Blame it on the blues. The person who had interviewed me for my entertainment job had told me that I would be receiving a call from the appointment booker this past Monday to give me some shifts for the week, but I received no such call. By about 4 p.m. Monday, when I still had not heard from the booker, I called the interviewer, and he told me that the booker was still away from the office, unexpectedly, and he would be back this week, maybe.

Have I told you how much I hate uncertainty? I hate it like the plague. Anyways, the entertainment company I got a job with is a big one, so I am not afraid of it being a shady company with shady work conditions, hours, etc.; however, I cannot stand the laissez-faire attitude of the company; an attitude which I definitely perceived, at the interview. After that interview, I had continued my job search, but was unsuccessful, so I decided to try and enjoy my time off before my May 15ish start date with the company. I was only able to let go of my apprehension because my husband offered to lend me money for my June rent. I had been so dismayed about the job starting no earlier than May 17th because I was worried my first pay cheque would arrive Friday June 3rd, a couple of days after my rent cheque is due. The threat of eviction loomed in my mind, and it was not unfounded. Last October, I had paid my rent late because my student loan arrived late, and I received an eviction warning from my landlord.

So ... I am bummed out that I am not working yet, and it has impacted my workouts. On Monday(Day 6), I did not gather myself to work out until later in the evening, when it was getting dark. Running along the canal was totally out of the question as a result, so I walked up and down the two central flights of stairs of my apartment about 27 times, making my flights climbed, 54. My apartment building has no elevator, just the central stairs from the main entrance, and this staircase is in full view, complete with wall to ceiling windows facing it, so I don't have any safety concerns. Man, was it a workout! The next day(Day 6), I ended up downtown walking in between errands and the library to do some job search and applications. It was a bit of a workout, though my legs still felt sore from previous workouts.

On Wednesday(Day 7), I was feeling bummed out again about my job prospects. My french skills are not that good, and it appears that in Montreal, you need french for just about every job, including painting, landscaping, and other manual jobs. Even housekeeping jobs were having catches. I had seen this promising job advertised on craigslist seeking a female to do some light housework such as vacuuming, dusting, every two weeks. "I can do that!", I thought. It was looking good up until I read the part that said job required the female to work TOPLESS! O.K.....I might be having trouble finding work, but that????

Anyways, spoke with hubby, and he told me not to be discouraged. I had trouble following his advice. I went to my bedroom, took a little nap, listened to the radio, and began feeling better; however, it was getting dark outside so I could not go for my walk-jog. I opted for Plan B; climbing the stairs of my apartment building. I climbed about 50 flights, then called it quits. Lesson learned this week? Have a plan B for all the plans in your life, even exercise!

xoxo,
Fat-Dietitian-to-be

Started...

Came back from my walk-run-jog. Had a bit of a rocky start. Went to bed relatively early around 12:30 a.m, but did not actually sleep until an hour or so later. Anyways, my body really must have needed the jog. I got up around 8:00 a.m, more than 30 minutes before my alarm was supposed to sound. Toasted a bagel and added some peanut butter, brushed my teeth and put some sunscreen on in preparation for my jog about an hour later. I figure if I don't get hit by a bus, or get involved in some other accident, it will be colon cancer, or perhaps skin cancer that will do me in.

As I got ready to head out, I proceeded to snap my little jogging pack which carries my keys around my waist. Rude awakening- it does not fit my waist anymore. Luckily, I had another jogging pack, a cheap one as a give-away from a local TV station in Ottawa, and that one has much more belt width to it.

I had a good walk-run-jog. I feel a sense of accomplishment and my legs, and surprisingly, my abs, feel stronger. I feel relaxed, happy, less bothered by trouble neighbours, and ready to take on the world. By the way, on a Montreal radio station today, this was breaking news: an 83 year old man was one of the murder suspects in the death of a 70 year old man in the Hochelaga-Maissoneuve district of Montreal. The other suspect was a 60 year old man. They were all neighbours, and a heated argument had broken out. Wow! Wish we could all live in peace. I've had my share of neighbour woes and wars living in Montreal. Here's hoping for a better world.

xoxo,
Fat dietitian-to-be

Killers of Time, Health and may I say, wealth?

Woke up quite late today. Had planned to go roller-blading; which was to have been my first roller blading experience since I moved to Montreal more than three years ago. My reason for getting up so late; watching internet TV up to the wee hours of the morning. However, getting up late was a blessing in disguise. After beating myself up mentally for not following through on rollerblading along the Lachine Canal, I used the time to meditate.

I and many others use tv and the internet to self-medicate after a stressful day, or in my case, the last three years of never-ending stressful events and situations. Once I turn off the internet or tv, I am left with nothing; wandering alone in my thoughts and emotions, alone in my "new" apartment, which I had hoped I would be sharing with my husband by now. By the way, he is still in the UK. We've been married two years now, but have been living those years apart due to immigration woes; we may as well be newly-weds. The immigration process has been so slow and torturous that I have needed to numb my emotions and needs to get through it all.

I began thinking of how I never seem to have the time to exercise. Exercise could do wonders for me; lose weight in order to decrease my risks of diabetes and heart disease(now that I am obese, my risks are high), feel more self-confident(I used to wear size seven or eight pants, but this spring when I went to Reitman's to shop for work pants for my clinical nutrition placement at the hospital, I was having trouble fitting into size fifteen pants; I finally found two pairs in the entire store that fit me...Reitmans only carries up to size 15; any more weight gain and I will have to start shopping at Plus size stores:(.

Losing weight will also help me feel more authentic in my nutrition placements, and ultimately, my nutrition career. Luckily for me, I was doing a medical nutrition specialty at my last placement, and the common theme for most of my patients was that they had lost weight unintentionally and needed to gain weight to improve their health so I felt more comfortable counselling them. But imagine if I had needed to counsel them on losing weight? My credibility would have been shot. However, I still felt a lack of credibilty at my placement when I introduced myselft to new colleagues as a nutrition student. I intentionally did not introduce myself as a dietitics student, partly because I felt ashamed of my portrayal of a "dietetics" student as being obese.

Exercise will also help me be strong and fit, and be able to do things such as walk up three flights of stairs without getting winded. It will also help me do well at and keep my summer job. Next week, I will be starting work as an inflatable games technician at an entertainment company. I chose the job because it would entail being outdoors, enjoying the Montreal summer weather, being physically active and giving my brain some rest after the huge learning curve I experienced, particlarly during my clinical nutrition placement, and have enough brain reserves to do some summer study in preparation for my final placement in the fall.

Exercise will also help me put my struggles over the last three years in perspective. The last three years have been long and tiring, but I have persevered. Running long distance, which I plan to take up this summer will serve as a metaphor for my life, and indeed the spiritual race we all face our entire life until our time is done and we are called to meet our Creator. By running long distance, I hope to build my spiritual self, and use running as a stepping stone to having a good spiritual life.

Exercise outdoors will also help me feel less isolated. Instead of being stuck behind concrete walls, I will be outside enjoying nature, particularly the waters of the Lachine canal as I run or rollerblade beside it. Nature, particularly water, has a very calming influence on me. Having gone through so much in my relatively young life what others twice my age have not yet gone through, I need some much deserved respite from the storm.

So, back to tv and internet being wasters of time. I love watching tv on the internet and facebooking, and can spend hours surfing random info. Yet once I turn the internet off, I am left with myself, my loneliness, my self-loathe at my weight gain, my not fitting into my old clothes, and the list goes on. Plus, I am left with the fact that time has passed. So, the question is this: What do I want to have accomplished, to feel, at the end of the day, and how best can I meet those goals? The answer I have is this: Turn off the internet, then I'll have no more excuses. I'll have all the time in the world I need to accomplish my goals and I'll feel better at the end of the day.

If you think about it, 1oo years ago, people did not have television, not to mention all the other techno gadgets of our times, internet, video games, cars etc, so they needed to go outside, walk or bicycle to work, and interact with others in order to pay the bills, meet their friends, and just prevent plain old boredom. In doing so, they were unknowingly taking care of themselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. In today's world, we have to make a conscious effort to get outside and get moving. So turn off your tv, your internet, your techno gadgets etc, and go outside and walk, run, roller-blade, horse-back ride, whatever suits your fancy. Your mind, body and soul will thank you for it.

xoxo
Fat-Dietitian-to-be