Killers of Time, Health and may I say, wealth?

Woke up quite late today. Had planned to go roller-blading; which was to have been my first roller blading experience since I moved to Montreal more than three years ago. My reason for getting up so late; watching internet TV up to the wee hours of the morning. However, getting up late was a blessing in disguise. After beating myself up mentally for not following through on rollerblading along the Lachine Canal, I used the time to meditate.

I and many others use tv and the internet to self-medicate after a stressful day, or in my case, the last three years of never-ending stressful events and situations. Once I turn off the internet or tv, I am left with nothing; wandering alone in my thoughts and emotions, alone in my "new" apartment, which I had hoped I would be sharing with my husband by now. By the way, he is still in the UK. We've been married two years now, but have been living those years apart due to immigration woes; we may as well be newly-weds. The immigration process has been so slow and torturous that I have needed to numb my emotions and needs to get through it all.

I began thinking of how I never seem to have the time to exercise. Exercise could do wonders for me; lose weight in order to decrease my risks of diabetes and heart disease(now that I am obese, my risks are high), feel more self-confident(I used to wear size seven or eight pants, but this spring when I went to Reitman's to shop for work pants for my clinical nutrition placement at the hospital, I was having trouble fitting into size fifteen pants; I finally found two pairs in the entire store that fit me...Reitmans only carries up to size 15; any more weight gain and I will have to start shopping at Plus size stores:(.

Losing weight will also help me feel more authentic in my nutrition placements, and ultimately, my nutrition career. Luckily for me, I was doing a medical nutrition specialty at my last placement, and the common theme for most of my patients was that they had lost weight unintentionally and needed to gain weight to improve their health so I felt more comfortable counselling them. But imagine if I had needed to counsel them on losing weight? My credibility would have been shot. However, I still felt a lack of credibilty at my placement when I introduced myselft to new colleagues as a nutrition student. I intentionally did not introduce myself as a dietitics student, partly because I felt ashamed of my portrayal of a "dietetics" student as being obese.

Exercise will also help me be strong and fit, and be able to do things such as walk up three flights of stairs without getting winded. It will also help me do well at and keep my summer job. Next week, I will be starting work as an inflatable games technician at an entertainment company. I chose the job because it would entail being outdoors, enjoying the Montreal summer weather, being physically active and giving my brain some rest after the huge learning curve I experienced, particlarly during my clinical nutrition placement, and have enough brain reserves to do some summer study in preparation for my final placement in the fall.

Exercise will also help me put my struggles over the last three years in perspective. The last three years have been long and tiring, but I have persevered. Running long distance, which I plan to take up this summer will serve as a metaphor for my life, and indeed the spiritual race we all face our entire life until our time is done and we are called to meet our Creator. By running long distance, I hope to build my spiritual self, and use running as a stepping stone to having a good spiritual life.

Exercise outdoors will also help me feel less isolated. Instead of being stuck behind concrete walls, I will be outside enjoying nature, particularly the waters of the Lachine canal as I run or rollerblade beside it. Nature, particularly water, has a very calming influence on me. Having gone through so much in my relatively young life what others twice my age have not yet gone through, I need some much deserved respite from the storm.

So, back to tv and internet being wasters of time. I love watching tv on the internet and facebooking, and can spend hours surfing random info. Yet once I turn the internet off, I am left with myself, my loneliness, my self-loathe at my weight gain, my not fitting into my old clothes, and the list goes on. Plus, I am left with the fact that time has passed. So, the question is this: What do I want to have accomplished, to feel, at the end of the day, and how best can I meet those goals? The answer I have is this: Turn off the internet, then I'll have no more excuses. I'll have all the time in the world I need to accomplish my goals and I'll feel better at the end of the day.

If you think about it, 1oo years ago, people did not have television, not to mention all the other techno gadgets of our times, internet, video games, cars etc, so they needed to go outside, walk or bicycle to work, and interact with others in order to pay the bills, meet their friends, and just prevent plain old boredom. In doing so, they were unknowingly taking care of themselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. In today's world, we have to make a conscious effort to get outside and get moving. So turn off your tv, your internet, your techno gadgets etc, and go outside and walk, run, roller-blade, horse-back ride, whatever suits your fancy. Your mind, body and soul will thank you for it.

xoxo
Fat-Dietitian-to-be